Shilpa Menon
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'Guilt' The most persistent feeling
I would consistently feel terribly irritated and angry whenever I had to go to some place or attend an event which required me to dress up well; before I could deeply understand the cause. One day after 4years of suffering from this unpleasantness I decided to look what was the root cause of this pain and pattern. I sat down, calmed myself to be in a receptive mode and traced back the pattern to its beginning. This took some time. But I did reach the time when it all began. It turned out to be the phase wherein I had started gaining weight due to hormonal imbalance. And since I was married to the guy I love already for a year by that time I hardly paid attention to myself. This led to piling of kilograms and slowly the dresses started looking unflattering. But my ignorance and comfort of being married made all of it invisible to my physical eyes. But there was something deeper, something which knew me better, which never forgets and is constantly vigilant that created all the reactions to catch my attention somehow. This something which was the authentic 'me' would not let me ignore what I was so desperately trying to ignore. It was as if it had the instruction fed to start ringing alarm bells in case there was an emergency. And when I finally listened to it, 'guilt' turned out to be the culprit at the core of this 'anger' and 'irritation'. Guilt of ignoring my health and gaining pounds. The girl who filled with self-compliments seeing her well maintained figure and considered optimum weight as an important factor to being healthy was throwing herself away in the comfort of marriage. Blissfully ignorant of what she had held dear and loved herself for slipping away from under her nose. That constant nagging feeling (read guilt) triggering anger while dressing up to look beautiful was an indicator of me going against my value of health and beauty. And this fact led to a deep realization about 'guilt' within me. It made me understand that 'guilt' is born out of ignored personal values. And values are what make you who you are. Values give you the confidence and an opportunity to experience self-love. Guilt is not bad or good. It's just an indicator of something going wrong or you losing your path to happiness. I now see how important 'guilt' is in making you the best version of yourself. So if you have been ignoring that feeling inside you, it's time you give it a chance to reveal to you what is it that you have forgotten about yourself. It's time to embrace your guilt for what it is and find out the value that matters to you. As only by living in alignment with your values can you get rid of guilt from your life and fall in love with yourself. The pain of facing your guilt is thousand times better than suffering for years with unpleasant feelings of anger, frustration and jealousy. |