“Your lifestyle is simply the creation of your thoughts,” says Sahar Gharachorlou, a transformational life coach, while highlighting the crux of her debut book, Twice Born.
Sahar, an Iranian by birth, has been living in Chandigarh since last eight years. A therapist, who is armed with a post-graduate degree in psychology, she wishes to help all those, who seek a second chance in life.
Sahar says, “I come from a dysfunctional family. And when there is chaos at home, I think it stays with you and tends to bring out negative emotions in you, emotions which sometimes even we are not able to comprehend. What I understood from my experience is that whenever you encounter two extremes of polarity, you need to find a middle path and that is what I did in my life.”
She used to work in the corporate sector, which involved travelling. Though travelling continues to be a part of her life, it is the shift from the corporate sector to being a metaphysical therapist, which led Sahar to a ‘spiritual awakening’. She adds, “I started in December 2015, and it took me nine months to awaken myself from the core and now I am living a new, peaceful and empowering life.”
Twice Born aims at helping people, who seek satisfaction and positivity amidst all that is negative in the world. It also covers few experiences of Sahar while following the path of spiritual awakening. She says, “Everybody’s idea of spirituality is different and they follow their path to achieve it. But, it all breaks down to our need to be loved and cared for and if you are on the right path, you will tend to overcome it by loving and caring for yourself.”
So, does that mean, Sahar doesn’t feel the blues anymore? She smiles, “It is not that I don’t feel any negative emotions but I no longer go into that deep loop of all the sad moments that I have experienced in my past life. It is easier for me to snap out of it. I have become a person who can dance to any tune life throws at me, be it happy, fun or sad.”
Sahar also loves to paint, read and dance. “I believe I have been empathetic towards people and this led me choose the path I am on and I would still term myself as a person whose work is in progress,” Sahar adds.
Before Time Was a creation myth by Scott Cunningham
The Goddess and God stretched and gave thanks to The One, but darkness surrounded them.
They were alone, solitary save for The One. So they formed energy into gasses into suns and planets and moons; They sprinkled the universe with whirling globes and so all was given shape by the hands of the Goddess and God. Light arose and the sky was illuminated by a billion suns and the Goddess and God, satisfied by their works, rejoiced and loved, and were one.
From their union sprang the seeds of all life, and of the human race, so that we might achieve incarnation upon the Earth. The Goddess chose the Moon as Her symbol, and the God the Sun as His symbol, to remind the inhabitants of Earth of their fashioners.
All are born, live, die and are reborn beneath the Sun and Moon;
All things come to pass thereunder, and all occurs with the blessings of The One, as has been the way of existence before time was.”
“Soul Murder” it doesn’t happen overnight. It happens slowly, bit by bit, through a series of trauma where you lose track of who you are you lose track of your feelings you don’t know whom to trust. You don’t know where to go and what to do. This has been beautifully put by the psychoanalyst, William Niederland. Your soul experiences death everyday, till it becomes a mute spectator of its own mutilation. Your soul gets fragmented and we stop knowing who we are. People like these have a blank look, they barely talk, they are in a frozen mode. You come to this deadened state when you know that you cannot escape your predator. You cannot fight, you cannot run away, you simply freeze.
The frozen state comes when you stop fighting and over time your feelings become numb. You just give in. You know there’s no escape. Wives abused by their husbands, both physically and mentally, children abused by their parents emotionally and physically, older sibling abusing the younger one and so on and so forth. Constant violence whether mental, physical or emotional gradually leads to “Soul Murder”. That’s the time a part of the soul leaves the body and when these people are abused they are in an emotionally deadened state. Many witness the abuse happening to them and say “I watched myself being beaten up from the ceiling. I did not feel anything”. When a part of you leaves your physical body, you become emotionless, you feel nothing and hence that vacant look, the blank stare, no words. we also call it fragmentation of the soul. A client of mine was a cutter, she’d cut herself at different places and tell me - “I cut myself to feel whether I’m still there, whether I’m still alive.”
Two years back a mom got her daughter for therapy to me. She had been molested time and again by her cousin brother and was too scared to share the problem with her parents. When She started having concentration problems, insomnia, fear, feeling of listlessness, lack of appetite, only then she could tell her parents and by then things had gone pretty bad. When your parents, your caregivers, specially the mother is unavailable emotionally, it’s terribly traumatic for the child. It’s the worst kind of nightmare when you’re undergoing a trauma and you’re unable to share it with your parents. When the very people who are there to nurture you, protect you, love you, and care for you, cannot sense what’s going on with their child, it’s truly sad. I sometimes feel numb myself and wonder what kind of a soul plan has this person taken. I know the answers but the client is too traumatised in the beginning to understand that.
You work with them slowly and surely because these wounds are very deep seated and healing takes place on their issue, tissue by tissue. Therapies take time because you need to win their trust but also ensure that they don’t become dependent on you. Sometimes clients disappear when they begin to feel well and then land up again after a month or so when they crash out. A lot of understanding, compassion, and steadiness is needed as a therapist. You know that beyond this tunnel there’s light but sometimes the path is long and arduous but the light shines.
What has happened, cannot be undone but it’s very hard to come to terms with that. Trauma impacts your mind, body and soul. The impact leaves you in a state of high alert all the time. Something snaps within you and that very feeling that you were in charge of your life goes away. You no longer engage, you no longer associate. There is a total disconnect, you don’t feel your body is you because the circuit of connection snaps.
Trauma victims stay in the past. We call it ‘then and there’ and they are unable to come to ‘here and now’. There’s no present, just past for them as they are unable to differentiate that. They react to trauma in different ways from panic disorders, to flying into rage to completely shutting down. It like being “pushed outside your window of tolerance”. The rational brain shuts down which we call the conscious mind and the emotional brain is working all the time. Whenever a trauma occurs, the rational brain shuts off and the emotional brain takes over. It’s the emotional brain that makes you experience the gut wrenching sensations and the heart pounding feelings, the breathing becoming shallow and the mouth turning turning dry and your throat is unable to swallow and you have difficulty in speaking. A rape victim feels that any guy who is walking up to her will just rape her. A child assaulted by his parent will just cower down at the sight of that parent. This is a state of collapse, a state of freeze, when all your defensive gears no longer function.
In therapy we make the client visit the trauma, in a disassociated form ie he is watching the traumatic incident from above, he is witnessing it, he is an observer and he’s no longer a part of it. From hypersensitivity we desensitize him. We work to disassociate him from the trauma. He watches it like he is watching a film, he’s not a participant, he’s watching. Why is that important!!! Because the client who is still associated with the past realizes it in the therapy that it (incident/ incidents) was “there and then” and “I’m here, in the now” the trauma is over. Of course we do counselling also but again it takes time. It’s not a one time affair with the therapist. It is an association which begins to bear fruit over the time.
In 1998! when my car met with a head on collision, with a bus, it took me a very long time to come out of the fear and the trauma. I was in depression for a long time. In fact that was the beginning of my depressive phase. I would freeze looking at a car coming from the front and my mouth would turn dry, my heart would race, my stomach would churn, a wired kind of current would run through my body. At home I’d cry for no reason and sometimes yell too. My son was nine and would get terrified seeing me in that state. I had never heard of therapy that time. There were only anti depressants. Well I was lucky because I met Guruji who was alive at that time. A different journey began for me... I could recover and recovered well.💕💕💕
Hello Zindagi 💕💕
It's time to revere the dead, our departed Ancestors thats what we do on the days of Shradh. We remember our 'Pitras', our late ancestors, and pay obeisance to them. I write today on our mothers/ Mama/Maa who are no more. Some may have left us very early when we were toddlers or lil, and needed them the most, some in their mid lives when we were growing into young women and needed their love n guidance, some later when they had turned into Naanis, as we turned into mothers and some at a time when they lost touch of who they were, physically present but emotionally absent but now they are no longer there with us. When they leave, a part of us dies too because the birther, the nurturer, the caregiver, has left us forever.
Mothers carry us in their womb, our first home. We live through her while she lives for us. Our breath, our well being becomes the melody of her life for nine months. And as we enter the earthly world through the birthing canal, the labour pain, the contractions binds us to our mother. With every dilation we can feel her pain, the pangs, the throb of her heart as she literally dies to welcome us. As we birth as a child, the mother in her is born too. From the cocoon of the womb, we enter her world where she holds us with tears of joy. And as she holds us, we feel her skin, her touch for the first time and yes we inhale her smell, we feel her happiness, we hear her excitement, we see her gentle, loving gaze and all our five senses come alive for the first time, right after we are born.
The mother rests now but the motherly instinct is pulsating, wanting her baby close to her. She feeds the baby and she knows when her baby is hungry because her breasts fill up with milk. Oh Mother ! There can be no one like you.
Soon we begin to recognize her and when we gurgle her world fills up with joy. She coos to us, rocks us, sings to us and our world is where she is. The first time when our fingers hold her finger, she rejoices at our first clasp. It's our way of saying "mama I know I can rely on you, you'll always be there for me". And when we reach out for her and say "ma ma", her joy knows no bounds. We love when she holds us close to her heart and the rhythm of her heart soothes us because that was the music which we heard 24×7, when we stayed in her womb. We can see her anguish when we cry. Tujhe sab hai pata meri maa.
That bond, that love , between her and us is absolutely divine. Since God could not be there everywhere, HE sent us mothers. As we grow, so does her love, which many a times gets a bit asphyxiating for us but she never bothers about that she couldn't careless because she is a mother. Our fights, our 'katti' with her, tugs at her heart and she is always the first to move towards us and hug us. Oh! Her lap still is so comforting that you can forget all your troubles and relax. Her hug is so enclosing that you feel your problems melting away tujhe sab hai pata meri maa.
Our first crush, our first date, we go confiding in her. How we hate it when she doesn't approve of it. But then who cares Her constant nudging 'par le exam hai', can drive us crazy. Her cooking our favorite dishes, holding things from our father to protect us (fathers are good fun too), sorting out fights with our siblings, driving us to school, our tuitions. So much we throw on her but then we know she is a Superwoman.
And soon when we are all set to get married, her two bit advice is brushed off laughingly. Her words "teri saas hi tujhe theek karegi" are met with our laughter. And as we move away from her nest to make our home, there are tears in her eyes for she knows that the baby bird is all set to fly. Our story becomes her story. If we're happy she is happy and if we're sad so is she. And soon we give her the wonderful news "mom, I'm going to become a mom" now she is laughing because she knows her journey is going to be repeated. But now she will be a naani or a daadi, a Grandmother.. mother's mother... the cycle begins again.
This is an ode to all the mother who lived and loved their children and are no longer with us and have moved on. They have left an indelible imprint upon our soul. We miss you, we remember you dear mom. I would like to offer this beautiful poem on the mother in the end Maavan thandiyaan chaavan.
Maavan bin dheeyan da hai,
Jod kehda, daaj ve.
Mool naalon rattha de ne,
Wadh de byaaj ve..
Ho Maavan to bin rangle jag diyan,
Ujdiyaan lagdiyan thaavan.
Leja iik suneha mera,
Ajj tu taldi da kaavan.
Veh keh deyin uss daade rabb nu,
Door kari naa dheeyan to maavan.
Maavan thandiya chaavaan 🌷🌷
Hello Zindagi 💞💞
"Do you know that our soul is composed of harmony", wrote Leonardo da Vinci. When is our soul in harmony. That state of harmony comes when our mind and body are in sync with the soul. The unison of the three is all about our being and our well being. This human trilogy is akin to cosmic trilogy of Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh. Brahma is the body, the physical creation, Vishnu is the mind, or the leela - preservation and Mahesh is the death or recreator, the soul which keeps on recreating after the death of the body, that which never dies but is seeking the ultimate union after undergoing innumerable births and deaths.
Life is like a triangle, a trilogy. you are at one corner at one time, seeking to move to the next, wanting to be expansive before finishing the journey called life. Situations in life turn you into victims, or perpetrators, or the observers. Roles keep changing, till you finally decide to derole yourself, getting out of the karmic bondage. We all sign a bond before we take birth and this is our soul plan, the blueprint of our journey. what we want to work on in a particular life. Plans may fail or reach a completion depending on you. Sometimes you outwit life and sometimes life damns you. Choices are there, free will is there and what you do amounts to the exam you take. Incompletion or failure gets converted into karmas which you cannot escape.
You come down to earth as a convertee. How many karmas, the debts of the last life you can convert into dharma. Please remember dharma is not religion. Its fulfilling a deed and winning a plus point. Karma and Dharma keep happening all the time in your life. Some promises are made, kept and fulfilled while some are broken, and remain unfulfilled and incomplete. The loop remains, things go on. The 'Gunas' in you keep the inner match going. Sometimes it's the 'satvik' which scores well, at times the 'Tamsic' takes over and many other times 'Rajasic' wins. Another trilogy of life. It never stops. The situations and your free will are always involved in a game and what comes out of it who knows. .So the Situation, Free will, the Unknown card. The trilogy never ends, it's an ongoing process. You move from one side of the triangle to the next, and how long you remain at one corner is up to you. We oscillate like the pendulum from one side to the next but we come to the centre before moving to the next side. We can call it the neutral or zero. Again its three - minus, plus and neutral. I call it "Teen ka Pher".. When you write the number '3' you can see that the two curves on the top and bottom look the same but they meet at the centre, the neutral state, the preservation state, the Vishnu state, the choice state before it turns into Karma or Dharma.
When the mind, body and soul work as one to be with the Only One, it's at that time the soul is an harmony Ant aur anant ek ho gaye..ansh aur saaransh ek ho gaye... sirf shunya.. bas shunya... antheen.
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